Her smile at thirty paces knocks you back like a gust of wind, her eyes glow white hot with warmth, kindness, happiness and joy. With out you my life would be a jigsaw with the last piece missing. I once had a friend just like you her name was Sandra but it wasn't to be and now I wait to see if I'll meet someone else just like her, such a pleasure to view and that's the both of you. When I find this girl, I just hope we fall in love, as to be alone is to feel so far from home, lost without a sole and an empty bowl. Now that I've eaten all of the apple pie that Bridget so kindly cooked for me. I'm looking forward to the day, someone else fills that bowl for me, only this time I will eat it very very slowly indeed. Now I'm off down to the river where there has been a development in the floating boiled sweet competition. Colin and local village school children, are sketching designs for the historical plaques to be set in the New Abbey Steps. Mary was late arriving with the 2lb jar of 'cupids triangles', due to a squabble with staff from the supermarket which reached a peak when a display of tinned peas was knocked down by accident. The manager Mr Onesimus Moyse, slipped on discount smoked haddock dropped on the floor by Bomber Poulton, who had fainted when that 'new woman' from the big house came through the doors, clad in only her bra and knickers. Apparently her husband locked her out on New Years Eve, then tried to fly like Eilmer by tying himself to thirty display rockets and attempting to launch himself off the roof in the direction of the Dyson Factory. He was found in the neighbours carp pond fifty yards away, singing Cliff Richard songs under the influence of a large quantity of alcohol.

Mrs Curnock had already set up her hand knitted bobble hat stall, to raise money for the 'Millennium Plaques in the Steps' Fund. The Ingram Street Belles were going through their warm up routine to the accompaniment of The Gabbitas Breakaway Trio. Ian and Barbara were just arriving in a convoy of horse drawn coaches led by the Butterfly Queen, her attendants, the Snail King and his Worms. In the background could be seen the VW Camper rally echelons, formation parking. Henry could be heard as far away as Tetbury warming up the Queue with 'who ate all the pies' and 'come-on you reds' whilst walking up and down with his wheel barrow containing the programmes which he was selling at a very rapid rate, probably to save the hearing of the purchasers. Somerfield's are donating £1000 1st prize to the winners favourite charity, of the Plastic Shopping Basket washing contest, for teams of children who clean the most. Henry will be on hand to move all the baskets whilst singing his best tunes and aid Barbara Pollard with the judging.

Steve is on hand with 'The Golden Box' giving joy rides to tomorrow's Traffic Police whilst Andrew is busy preparing his rocket powered 'Wheelie Bike'. Uncle Norman gives tremendous inspiration to all those future design engineers with his entirely hand made one off 'Millennium Motor Cycle', even down to the tyres and it only took him 2000 hours. While 'Froggy' and 'Roberto' entertain all with their mime version of Romeo and Juliet. Harry and Gillian have just about painted every child's face with fantastically original designs they have based on Bob Dylan and Genesis songs. Now here comes Julie and Johnny with their dance version of 'I'm going slightly mad' by Queen, played by Nick, Viv, John, Kevin and Denis who topped the charts in 76 as Quorum with their cover of 'A Saucer Full of Secrets' by Pink Floyd.

All the Girl Guides have finished their mystery trail around the town, the walls and pavements a huge canvas of chalk arrows, not a street will be missed by our many bewildered tourists. In memory of the late Mrs Veronica Pinch, a queue has been formed from the town bridge, through St.Aldems Mead passing our tallest trees, rising like a cobra to the strains of Bowen's Bolero up our steepest hill, following the arrow trail to its finnish at the Tuppenny Tube. Here is one of Malmesbury's legendary magical wishing stones, this one is known as the 'Bubble Gum Stone', and is a favourite of teenage lovers on a first date. It's here they pass a piece of well chewed gum from one's mouth to the other, whilst snoging in a tight embrace for at least three minutes. Then the gum is removed and stuck on the stone, while each lover makes a wish. Today is a special sponsored wishing day for charity in aid of the Wiltshire Air Ambulance, each couple paying to kiss then wish, whilst touching the 'Bubble Gum Stone'.

Later we visited Gloucester Cathedral. Inside Sam saw a tomb with statue lying on it, Oh look! she said, and rushed across to carry out the motions of ABC resuscitation on these life size stone people.